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Post by pallas on Jan 10, 2024 16:34:28 GMT
As Pascal pulled up a chair, Lucien did the same, grabbing a clipboard so he could record the supplies he’d used on Lane and double check the stock in the cupboard against the numbers they had recorded.
At Pascal’s comment about fate being cruel, Lucien initially couldn’t comment. The whole thing was still raw and it hurt. He just made a choked sound of agreement, keeping his attention on recording Lane’s IV drip.
But when Pascal talked about him knowing better, Lucien nodded. ”I know. I know I wasn’t mature about this whole situation.” Not that he was an adult but even still, he didn’t have a choice but to be adult about things when he was faced with the stakes that the ascendants were up against. ”There are a lot of reasons I’ve felt that need to prove myself. I did something stupid with Luka and some others on… on Hallowe’en and it meant we weren’t there when we were needed. River got hurt, as you know. Cleo told Luka and I that we didn’t deserve to be leaders and we wouldn’t be if they had any say in it. Then said we had to stay leaders until there were enough people for another vote and that this was our opportunity to change their mind. I felt like I had to prove I still deserved it.”
He hated having to admit to Pascal what he’d done on Hallowe’en, because he couldn’t help but wonder if they could’ve helped some of those who’d been kidnapped if Luka and Lucien had been where they were supposed to be and ready to respond to the emergency. He laid the clipboard on his lap, sighing.
”I wasn’t elected leader because people thought I was capable. It was because they thought it’d be funny.” Lucien continued ”I’m not a healer because I earned that responsibility, though you’re helping by teaching me. Anyone would feel like they have something to prove.”
He was rambling, he knew this, but after Luka his emotions were high. And Pascal was right, he should know better. But he hadn’t known better. He’d been a confused mess just trying to do the right thing and missing the mark every single time.
”I listened Luka almost die over fucking comms and I couldn’t do shit about it because I had to stay here as the healer. Balancing leader and healer, it can be really fucking hard, Pascal.” Lucien admitted.
He took in a heavy breath, fixing his eyes on Pascal once again. ”None of it excuses anything. I’m sorry. I’ve been short-sighted and too wrapped up in my own shit and that hurt you.”
_____
CHARACTER PROFILE IMAGE CREDIT: ElenaA via Picrew
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Post by Nari on Jan 10, 2024 17:06:47 GMT
Pascal listened as Lucien continued talking, finding no reason to speak over the boy. Lucien had a lot on his mind apparently, with the mention of Halloween and Cleo, but the champion of Hades’ expression seemed to glaze over somewhat. Leader drama was beyond him and he really didn’t have the energy to process all of that baggage.
It wasn’t made easier by the arrival of a certain chatty ghost, who’s expression hardened at the scene and he began throwing punches and kicks at Lucien in front of them, all of which just phased through him.
‘How dare you hurt ‘Cal!’ the ghost proclaimed, ‘stupid shit! Fuck you!’
Great. The last thing he wanted was the ghosts getting upset at his student hurting him and taking it upon themselves to ‘fix it.’ He tiredly raised a hand to his head and pushed strands of hair out of his face.
“That’s enough, Lewis,” he muttered loud enough for the ghost to hear, and he paused in his tracks. He stepped away from the two, using two fingers to point at his eyes and directly at the champion of Apollo before slunking off. The obvious gesture for ‘I’ve got my eye on you’.
After the moment passed, it briefly occurred to him that Lucien wouldn’t have any idea who he was talking about. “... that’s enough,” he repeated, this time directing his statement to the other boy, “you’ve said enough.”
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Post by pallas on Jan 10, 2024 17:22:53 GMT
Lucien frowned in confusion when Pascal referred to him by a different name. Pascal knew his name well enough. Was he having a fucking stroke or something?
”Lewis?” Lucien echoed in confusion.
He shook his head, moving past the strange moment because Pascal was speaking again. Telling him he’d said enough. He had. He should’ve stopped talking long before that. None of it was helpful.
”Okay.” Lucien nodded, because he could give no other response to that. He’d owned up to hurting Pascal and apologised as best he could. He reached up from where he was sitting to put the clipboard back to where he’d got it from before returning his attention to his mentor. ”Thank you, by the way. For helping River.”
Lucien had wanted to. He’d felt awful with him being in so much pain. But River hadn’t let him anywhere near those injuries. He knew River well enough to know that if he’d tried to heal him River would’ve physically stopped him from doing so. Injured as he was, he probably would’ve managed it.
So he was glad Pascal had been able to convince River to let him help. He’d seen the difference it had made in the other leader.
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CHARACTER PROFILE IMAGE CREDIT: ElenaA via Picrew
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Post by Nari on Jan 10, 2024 18:11:42 GMT
Pascal chose not to further elaborate on the ‘Lewis’ question. Of course he looked crazy, he was the only one there who could speak to the dead. While it was exhausting to think people might be concerned for his brain, it seemed more troublesome to actually explain the reality.
Soon the topic changed to River, and the man slowly lifted his head to nod. “He was avoidant,” he responded, his eyes trailing down to his hands again, “I assume he was causing trouble for you if he was so willing to refuse me.”
He recalled his conversation with River, and how he didn’t want the blame to be put on Lucien for it. To some extent he agreed, though his injuries looked bad enough… if Lucien didn’t put his foot down about getting treatment, he should have. Truly he hoped it wouldn’t be a common occurrence.
But for the moment, the two of them were left in awkward silence, with Pascal not knowing what to say exactly. There was a lot for him to process with what Lucien said, and finding the right words to use was hard.
“Look,” he started, still not looking up, “I hope your take-away from that conversation wasn’t that it hurt me. I can manage my own feelings.”
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Post by pallas on Jan 10, 2024 18:27:26 GMT
Lucien wasn’t surprised to hear that River had been avoidant with Pascal too. The young blond nodded when Pascal said he guessed River had been avoidant with him too. ”I offered to heal him but he wouldn’t let me. I dropped Medbay supplies to his room but that’s as much as he’d let me do.”
Then Pascal made the comment about managing his own feelings. There was the way in into what Lucien had been wanting to talk about. He’d been about to ask Pascal some questions to delve into how he was doing anyway but the other boy had opened the door just a crack, an opportunity to make that easier.
”Managing your own feelings doesn’t mean not sharing them with anybody.” Lucien responded, brows knitting as he looked at the older boy.
Pascal was a closed-off person. Avoidant. Lucien had seen that much when Pascal had told him he was not okay all that time ago when Lucien had asked him to join him as healer, and had refused to go any further into the topic. They hadn’t known one another then even as well as they knew one another now, though even now he wouldn’t have called them close.
It didn’t mean he didn’t care about him though.
”I don’t pretend to know everything you’re feeling or everything you’ve been going through.” the blond continued. ”But I can know a little of it, if you want me to. Talking about all of this might help.”
This was all Apollo’s fault with his learning to care for other people stuff. Though all in all Lucien found he didn’t mind it - caring for other people. It felt good to want to look out for others, just as much as it sometimes hurt.
He could only ever know a shadow of what Pascal had gone through with the exiled, never have been there himself. But he could see Pascal was struggling, and the last thing he wanted was for all of this to eat Pascal up inside.
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CHARACTER PROFILE IMAGE CREDIT: ElenaA via Picrew
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Post by Nari on Jan 10, 2024 18:51:12 GMT
“Figured as much,” Pascal muttered when Lucien corroborated his guess about River. At the very least he gave the guy supplies so he could help himself, though he wished it didn’t have to go this far before he’d gotten treatment. He could have died.
However, he knew it wasn’t his place to talk about what he’d said during their conversation. It wasn’t much different than an infected wound, raw and ugly. Not something that was Lucien’s fault or business if he was not informed what was up.
Pascal took his pen from his pocket and held it in his hands, feeling the cold metal he’d become accustomed to. He rested his finger on the end of it as the Champion of Apollo spoke up, how he shouldn’t be keeping quiet about his feelings. A heavy sigh escaped from him.
“Lucien, I’ve been in and out of therapy for most of my life. For situations like this. I’ve had plenty of time to talk about it… its just hard.”
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Post by pallas on Jan 10, 2024 19:06:56 GMT
Lucien listened to Pascal’s response. It didn’t escape him that he mentioned ‘situations like this’ for which he’d been to therapy. What had Pascal been through before he’d come here?
”I can imagine.” Lucien agreed when Pascal said it was hard. He knew the other boy didn’t have an easy time talking about things. ”But we all only have one another here, Pascal. You don’t have to talk about anything, I’d never make you. But if you do have something you want to share, I want to hear it.”
Knowing the ascendants only had one another to rely on could either feel scary or it could feel great depending on how one looked at it and what they made of it. He wanted it to feel like a good thing, like the ascendants could all be truly supportive of one another in a positive way. Right now he didn’t know how he felt about it, since they could barely get along civilly, never mind support one another the way they needed.
”I’m about as far from a therapist as you can get but I do care.” Lucien assured him. ”You mentioned things you’d been through before you came here? Is there something there that you want to share?”
If he didn’t, well Lucien didn’t want to push him too far. But Pascal had brought it up independently so he figured it was his best shot at hitting on something Pascal might be willing to open up about. Maybe more than anything else he could ask him about.
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CHARACTER PROFILE IMAGE CREDIT: ElenaA via Picrew
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Post by Nari on Jan 10, 2024 19:48:45 GMT
Pascal just nodded along to what Lucien was saying, his attention remaining on his key. It was hard to talk about because it was so normal to him. An accepted part of his reality where the fates never allowed him any good thing.
“It never lasts,” he muttered at the mention of comradery. How they all could rely on each other. As if it were reacting to its master, the pen’s shape shifted and contorted, until in its place was the crown. The burden that death had given him all those months ago. He wrapped his hands around the rim, contemplating putting it on and escaping the conversation, but he knew what little it would change. His eyes drifted slowly to Lane. Running from death was a lost cause.
“Wherever I went, death was sure to follow,” he stated, slightly louder than a mumble. There wasn’t much thought behind his expression, and his eyes seemed to gloss over as he spoke.
“I thought the pursuit of medicine would release me from this burden of existence, but the fates taunt me further. And then this-” Pascal raises the crown slightly.
“Everything leads to the same place. The court of death.”
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Post by 𝕄𝕖𝕣𝕔𝕦𝕣𝕪 on Jan 10, 2024 21:47:57 GMT
Enzo led his friend towards the bridge, his pace steady. He would easily be recognized here, so he made sure to wear some shades and a sunhat over his head. It even had a little sun clipped onto the rim!
Wait, that was off topic.
When Dillon insisted he wanted to know about Enzo, the Italian cursed his pale complexion as he felt his cheeks warm. He resolutely stared forward, shaking his head a bit to rid himself of the blush...as if dispersing the blood itself back throughout his body like some kind of full-body pace maker.
Then Dillon brought up the ex, and he literally winced, hugging his arms to himself. "I-she-it's complicated!" The words were a bit loud and he slapped a hand over his mouth. He looked around sheepishly, waving off the concern of a nearby girl who'd looked over as if witnessing the juiciest gossip since sliced cheese.
"I think you can piece together how that whole 'relationship'-" he even did air-quotes! How sassy of him! "ended. She-Felicia- it's not like she was the bad guy or anything. I just...you know, she was just worried I wasn't committed." This. was. SO. awkward.
"Like, because I'm bi and everything! I mean, I guess she was right. I...I probably shouldn't be so weird, haha." Oh he really needed to shut up. But once he started he wasn't stopping. "I mean, yeah, I did catch her with someone else, but I was probably just...being emotional... Also, my parents were the one really pushing the relationship and the more I think about it the more I think it was all a lie, and I think that makes me a really, really bad person, doesn't it!?"
"I think you may have missed some trauma dumping there," Helios drew sarcastically, "Wanna talk about your other issues? Perhaps how you feel for Hera's champio-"
"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Enzo squeaked at his guide, throwing his hands over his mouth when he realized he'd just shouted that out loud randomly. "Sorry. I-uh-let's just a-go."
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Post by pallas on Jan 10, 2024 21:59:51 GMT
Lucien listened as Pascal began to talk, opening up at least a little about what he’d been through before becoming an ascendant. He didn’t give much in terms of details, but putting the pieces together wasn’t difficult.
Pascal had lost people. A lot of people. Enough to feel like he was cursed somehow to lose the people around him. People he cared about.
Lucien couldn’t imagine how that must feel. He’d lost people in a very different way. The people he cared about seemed to have a habit of leaving him, and that was very different from what Pascal had gone through. It wasn’t even remotely the same.
”Fuck, okay.” were the first words that left Lucien’s mouth once he was sure Pascal had finished talking. He sat back in his seat, brain trying desperately to reach for at least something to say that might be close to the right thing. ”Pascal, thank you for sharing that. It can’t have been easy.”
That was an understatement and they both knew it. Pascal had just shared a lot with him, he’d even commented on his hard this was. He at least wanted Pascal to know that he’d heard him and listened and that he appreciated that he’d opened up to him a little bit. Especially because he and Lucien weren’t even very close, he’d had no need to. He’d chosen to and that was a big deal in its own way. Lucien just didn’t want to make it a big deal in case it put Pascal off talking about this in the future.
But he knew there wasn’t a right answer on what to say here. Pascal had probably had people tell him it wasn’t his fault about a hundred times by now, why the hell would he believe it from Lucien? If Lucien told him things in the future weren’t necessarily going to turn out the way they had in the past, Pascal would have no more reason to believe him that he would everyone else who’d ever said that to him.
”I know there isn’t anything I can say that can make any of that better for you.” Lucien finally said, after what felt like an eternity but might have only been a few moments trying to think of any single thing he could say that might be at all helpful. He came up empty handed, and that was the point. Some things couldn’t be helped with words. ”If listening is all I can offer then it’s what I’ll give. Any time you want.”
He’d be there whenever Pascal had something he wanted or was willing to share. Lucien couldn’t offer much, not the right words or anything else. But he could offer at least something.
”You don’t have to share more now if you don’t want to. You’ve just come back from those fucking assholes and you deserve some time to rest and ease into being back here. I took care of the Medbay on my own for a few weeks, I can do it for a little longer if you need while you get used to being back.”
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CHARACTER PROFILE IMAGE CREDIT: ElenaA via Picrew
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Post by Nari on Jan 10, 2024 22:43:27 GMT
The crown felt cold in Pascal’s hands once the silence sunk in. Lucien’s struggle to put together a response was evident without him needing to say anything. The “Fuck, ok” was expected.
Truthfully, there would never have been a response that would have satisfied him. He didn’t know what he wanted other than showing Lucien what went through his head. Most days it was manageable, but the past few days weren’t most days.
Eventually, Lucien gave his answer. He didn’t push the subject, he just offered an ear if he needed it. It was enough for him, he figured.
He was glad his student wasn’t leaving anymore, but he needed time. Time which the champion of Apollo seemed to recognize when he suggested that he take some more time off to rest.
Pascal would have objected to the offer, but his own exhaustion didn’t let him. Instead, he nodded to the boy and stood up from his chair, brushing strands of hair out of his face. For a few silent moments he made his way to the door to leave, but paused.
“Don’t exhaust yourself either, Lucien,” the man said, “but thank you.”
And soon he was out the door.
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Post by pallas on Jan 10, 2024 22:54:21 GMT
Dillon listened to Enzo’s description of how things had been with Felicia and began to wish more and more that they’d just left her for Gwen. Heroics be damned.
He could understand some of what Enzo was talking about. His father had never accepted him for who he was. Not only that, but Dillon knew what it was to have someone make you feel small and worthless. He knew what it felt like to have someone try to convince you that they only cared about you and you were the problem all along.
He had never spoken to Felicia. But he knew Felicia.
”A bigot, emotionally abusive, and a narcissist.” Dillon commented. ”Ambitious. To some extent you have to respect her for not just picking a lane. Specialising, you know, really honing her craft.”
Not to mention a cheater. Because of course she was.
Now he’d had his jab at Felicia, there was something else he needed to say about this whole situation. Because he couldn’t have Enzo believe he was the bad guy in all of this. He spoke gently now, but earnestly, as he let the other boy lead on.
”Enzo, you are not a bad person. You could not be further from a bad person.” Dillon said, gentle but decisive. Him, on the other hand? Bad person was much more debatable. ”You are not, and were never, the problem. Trust me I’ve heard every trick in the books she was reading from. She wanted you to feel like you were worth less than you are, because she never could have deserved you.”
He had no idea things had been that bad with Felicia, and now he knew he understood so much more about Enzo’s behaviour on the day of the fight.
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CHARACTER PROFILE IMAGE CREDIT: ElenaA via Picrew
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Post by Leo/ Clundy on Jan 29, 2024 1:54:00 GMT
A knock sounded at Pascal’s door.
Just outside when the door opened stood River, looking just as tired as usual. He was leaned against the door frame holding something just behind his leg.
"Hey," he started and raised the item in his hand to show to Pascal. It was a wine bottle with a yellow post-it-note on it. "So I got this with a note that said "Go get the other one from Pascal, love Poppa War". Did you get a bottle too?" he sighed heavily as he shook the bottle a little bit.
It was on his desk when he went back to his room. Just sitting there seemingly glowing with the light of his desk lamp. Ares hadn't said anything when he'd picked up the bottle. Not even when River asked him about it.
At this moment he just turned the bottle to face him so he could read the label and brand. Not that it mattered much the name was in another language. But the bottle was dark so it was probably a red wine? He liked red wine.
Regardless it was a gift and he was going to drink it whether he liked it or not.
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Post by Nari on Jan 29, 2024 2:31:45 GMT
After his chat with Lucien, Pascal had returned to his room and seldom left it. News of the other prisoners’ return managed to make its way to his chamber, a fact that was simultaneously relieving and dreadful. The situation remained sour in his brain as he hunched over his desk, staring down at the page before him.
Pascal should have been happy he was back at the Pantheon. Happy he was out of that Hell and he would no longer have to bear witness to the Exiled’s cruelty. However, he wasn’t. Guilt ate at him, the conversation about sacrificing more people, and Lucien nearly letting himself get killed despite the protests of everyone else… he figured it was best for him to process things on his own. Even Hades seemed more quiet than usual.
A knock on the door caused him to perk up slightly. He slowly made his way to the door, and when he opened it up, River was on the other side. A mumbled “greetings” escaped his lips, and he tilted his head at the bottle of red wine in the other man’s hands. A gift from Ares by the sounds of it.
“I do not recall…” Pascal spoke, squinting before he turned his head back into the room to check. As he looked around, his gaze stopped to the table. A bottle of wine was there, sitting ominously. He had no idea how long it had been there, but he knew for sure he had nothing to do with it.
He made his way over to the table, studying the bottle that was before him. Based on the detailing and shape, it seemed reasonable to assume it was an expensive brand. Resting next to the bottle was a small note.
‘Welcome back to the land of the living, my champion. You may thank Ares for the idea. Get well and recuperate, there is something I need to discuss with you when you are ready.
-Hades’
Pascal narrowed his eyes at the text, before pocketing it and returning to River with the bottle.
“It appears I have.” he corrected himself, looking down at the gift before him. His brow remained furrowed, his expression puzzled, contemplating what he should do with what he’d been given. He could drink some, but it seemed like a bad idea considering he didn’t remember when he ate last.
His gaze returned to River, as if asking what his plan was.
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Post by Leo/ Clundy on Jan 29, 2024 3:07:35 GMT
"You hungry?" River asked with a raised eyebrow. Then he gestured out towards the way to the living area."I'm sure there's some glasses in the kitchen," he suggested.
He didn't wait he just turned to leave and gestured for him to follow.
He couldn't remember the last time he'd eaten an actual good meal. Not just buttered toast. Granted he didn't know how to cook but he could try if they were both hungry.
Once he reached the kitchen, River set his bottle on the counter and fished through one of the drawers to find a wine opener. He tossed it to pascal when he found it and then started looking through the fridge at his available ingredients. His eyes immediately went to the butter and then scrunched up his nose.
"I don't know how to make anything. What do you want?"
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